For today’s blog, I really wanted to take a moment to talk about how to get your child to answer your questions. What do I mean by this? Well, I mean decreasing the instances of you asking your preschooler a question and they just stare at you, so you repeat and repeat with no response in the end. What I also mean is eliminating you asking your school-age child, “How was school?” and only hearing “Good.”
If you are reading this and thinking, “Wow, I really could benefit from this” or even if you’re thinking, “I’m afraid my child still wouldn’t answer” because of delays or language disabilities, please read on because I will also explain both scenarios.
So, to first talk about how to get a conversation going, we first need to talk about how to listen to our children, not just prompt them. You may be saying, “Of course I listen to my children”; but, do you wait long enough to get the whole answer? Some children may only need 1 second to respond to a question; some may need 5 seconds. That doesn’t seem long, but next time you ask your child a question, silently count to 5 in your head and you will see that it is actually a lot longer than you may think. Some children may need 10+ seconds to respond. We as parents innately want to create an instant bond or social contact with our children, but many times our children may need a second to switch tasks, conversations, etc. I really encourage you to silently count to 5 before prompting your child again with a question or a follow-up comment. The key is to try to not answer for your child either. I once had a very well-meaning adult ask my daughter what was on her shirt and answer their own question in the same breath. I had to kindly educate them to give her just a couple seconds to look at her shirt and answer on her own.
After an appropriate wait-time has passed (5 or more seconds), you may then prompt your child. This may be as simple as repeating the question with their full attention (read: eye contact); this may be in the form of a hand gesture (example: pointing to them so they know it’s their turn); this may be a follow up question (example: “School was good. Awesome! Did you have any special classes today?”); or, this may be in the form of some other “hint”, either verbally or nonverbally (example: You ask your 2 year old what shoes they want. After waiting 5 seconds, you tell them to look at you and repeat the question. Then, you give them two choices, “Do you want your black shoes or your rainbow shoes?”). Try not to ask yes/no questions, however as this creates less of an opportunity for back-and-forth communication. (Example: “How was school today?” -Good “Did you have gym?” -Yes “Was it fun?” -Yes). Showing that you genuinely want their attention and to have a conversation with calmness and enthusiasm really helps as well.
Lastly, you should ask as specific questions as possible with your children. For example, instead of saying, “How was school today?” instead you could ask:
· What did you have for lunch today?
· Who did you sit with at circle time?
· Did you play inside or outside at recess today?
· Did you have any specials classes today? (music, art, gym, foreign language)
· What was your favorite part about today?
· Did you learn anything new in science class?
· What story did you work on in reading? Did you like it? What was it about?
This may go for preschool age as well. Instead of, “What do you want for lunch?” try to ask more specific questions such as, “What fruit do you want with lunch today? We have apples, bananas, or grapes.” Don’t be afraid to just make statements as well and wait extra long for a response. For instance, you may say, “I wonder what your teacher wore today. I think she always wears really fun outfits for holidays.” Or, if your child tells you that they are learning about the weather at school, you could always say, “I’ve always wondered why clouds get dark when it rains.” Your child may not know the answer either but it can get a conversation started and something for you to learn together.
If you feel like your child isn’t even at the reciprocal conversation level, they may have difficulty even understanding the questions you ask. Remember, we have to be able to understand language before we can use it and answer questions. Feel free to use visuals or find books on the topic you want to discuss. For example, if you are trying to teach your child to pick out their own outfit, you can find a book with a favorite character and discuss what the character is wearing with your child. Sitting in front of a couple choices from their own clothing, you could say something along the lines of, “Look, Daniel Tiger wears a red sweater. What sweater should you wear? Yellow or red?” Use gestures, pointing, and voice inflections to hold your child’s attention and really show them importance on the concepts you are trying to teach.
If you have any more questions, concerns, or tips that you feel like readers could benefit from, please comment below or shoot me an email at Kathleen.rehabspecialists@gmail.com. If you feel like your child may need an evaluation to see if their conversation/question skills are typical at this time, feel free to make an appointment with us by calling 412-761-6062. We are located in Bellevue, PA right outside of downtown Pittsburgh. Until next time!
Kathleen
It Takes Two to Talk by Ayala Manolson
PDF Handouts for Parents on Milestones and tips for language development from birth to age 5 can be found at:
https://www.asha.org/News/2017/ASHA-and-Read-Aloud-15-MINUTES-Announce-New-Go-To-Resource-for-Parents-of-Young-Children/
If you are reading this and thinking, “Wow, I really could benefit from this” or even if you’re thinking, “I’m afraid my child still wouldn’t answer” because of delays or language disabilities, please read on because I will also explain both scenarios.
So, to first talk about how to get a conversation going, we first need to talk about how to listen to our children, not just prompt them. You may be saying, “Of course I listen to my children”; but, do you wait long enough to get the whole answer? Some children may only need 1 second to respond to a question; some may need 5 seconds. That doesn’t seem long, but next time you ask your child a question, silently count to 5 in your head and you will see that it is actually a lot longer than you may think. Some children may need 10+ seconds to respond. We as parents innately want to create an instant bond or social contact with our children, but many times our children may need a second to switch tasks, conversations, etc. I really encourage you to silently count to 5 before prompting your child again with a question or a follow-up comment. The key is to try to not answer for your child either. I once had a very well-meaning adult ask my daughter what was on her shirt and answer their own question in the same breath. I had to kindly educate them to give her just a couple seconds to look at her shirt and answer on her own.
After an appropriate wait-time has passed (5 or more seconds), you may then prompt your child. This may be as simple as repeating the question with their full attention (read: eye contact); this may be in the form of a hand gesture (example: pointing to them so they know it’s their turn); this may be a follow up question (example: “School was good. Awesome! Did you have any special classes today?”); or, this may be in the form of some other “hint”, either verbally or nonverbally (example: You ask your 2 year old what shoes they want. After waiting 5 seconds, you tell them to look at you and repeat the question. Then, you give them two choices, “Do you want your black shoes or your rainbow shoes?”). Try not to ask yes/no questions, however as this creates less of an opportunity for back-and-forth communication. (Example: “How was school today?” -Good “Did you have gym?” -Yes “Was it fun?” -Yes). Showing that you genuinely want their attention and to have a conversation with calmness and enthusiasm really helps as well.
Lastly, you should ask as specific questions as possible with your children. For example, instead of saying, “How was school today?” instead you could ask:
· What did you have for lunch today?
· Who did you sit with at circle time?
· Did you play inside or outside at recess today?
· Did you have any specials classes today? (music, art, gym, foreign language)
· What was your favorite part about today?
· Did you learn anything new in science class?
· What story did you work on in reading? Did you like it? What was it about?
This may go for preschool age as well. Instead of, “What do you want for lunch?” try to ask more specific questions such as, “What fruit do you want with lunch today? We have apples, bananas, or grapes.” Don’t be afraid to just make statements as well and wait extra long for a response. For instance, you may say, “I wonder what your teacher wore today. I think she always wears really fun outfits for holidays.” Or, if your child tells you that they are learning about the weather at school, you could always say, “I’ve always wondered why clouds get dark when it rains.” Your child may not know the answer either but it can get a conversation started and something for you to learn together.
If you feel like your child isn’t even at the reciprocal conversation level, they may have difficulty even understanding the questions you ask. Remember, we have to be able to understand language before we can use it and answer questions. Feel free to use visuals or find books on the topic you want to discuss. For example, if you are trying to teach your child to pick out their own outfit, you can find a book with a favorite character and discuss what the character is wearing with your child. Sitting in front of a couple choices from their own clothing, you could say something along the lines of, “Look, Daniel Tiger wears a red sweater. What sweater should you wear? Yellow or red?” Use gestures, pointing, and voice inflections to hold your child’s attention and really show them importance on the concepts you are trying to teach.
If you have any more questions, concerns, or tips that you feel like readers could benefit from, please comment below or shoot me an email at Kathleen.rehabspecialists@gmail.com. If you feel like your child may need an evaluation to see if their conversation/question skills are typical at this time, feel free to make an appointment with us by calling 412-761-6062. We are located in Bellevue, PA right outside of downtown Pittsburgh. Until next time!
Kathleen
Additional Resources:
It Takes Two to Talk by Ayala Manolson
PDF Handouts for Parents on Milestones and tips for language development from birth to age 5 can be found at:
https://www.asha.org/News/2017/ASHA-and-Read-Aloud-15-MINUTES-Announce-New-Go-To-Resource-for-Parents-of-Young-Children/
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